I swim for myself.
I only swim for myself and I’m responsible for my own swimming. I don’t want to lose because of someone else and even if we win it’s not just because of my own ability. I find that boring.
His face when I said those words suddenly came to my mind.
It happened the one and only time I swam in a relay with him in elementary school. We didn’t do well and after the race I said that to him in the locker room. I swim for myself. Swimming is a solo sport. Once you dive in the water you’re alone. You can’t even swim faster with the knowledge you’re with others.
“What’s that? Sousuke, are you making fun of relays!?”
His face when he yelled those words and lunged at me.
Even now I have flashbacks of his face at that time all the time.
I’m trapped by him––– by Rin.

I walked around the city while thinking and became lost.
It’s always like that. I get lost. Even more so since this is the first time I’ve been to this city.
Where am I?
I was standing in a crowded, neon back alley off of the main road.
I could hear a drunk singing bad karaoke from some store. They were singing about how the future wasn’t so bad. It was a song that wasn’t suited for me right now. It was just a bunch of phrases that sounded nice, they were just shallow wishes. In order to escape from the song I exited the alleyway. An unfamiliar road appeared before me. Cars passed in front of me. The signal changed and turned red. Stop. I had come to a standstill again. I saw what looked like a salary-man who had just gotten off work come out of a convenience store holding a bag containing a bento. Only while the automatic door was open could I hear the store’s soft music coming from inside. When the Door closed again the music was cut off. I could still faintly hear the drunk singing in the distance. At a loss I once again asked myself, but this time out loud in a mumble.
“Where… am I……?”
It would be fine if I was just lost in reality, but I had lost my way in life and didn’t know the way forward as well. When you’re lost in reality there are maps. You can ask someone else. But in life, when you lose your way what should you do? No one can tell you the right way forward. Actually, there is no true right way. Just where exactly am I headed–––?
That’s no good. I’m being sentimental tonight. I’m just being an idiot romanticist.